Breaking Up

Food, we need to talk.

I know we've been together for a long time. Hell, I've known you my whole life. You've been there with me through everything. But lately I've realized that it's just not working out between us. This relationship. It's not healthy for me.

Sure, we've had our good times. We'd hang out everywhere together--fancy restaurants, the movies, even on vacation. And let's face it, a party just isn't as good without you there. We've even shared those intimate, late-night moments together, bathed in the soft light of the open refrigerator door.

And I know that our relationship didn't start out like this. There was a time when we were just business partners, really. I had a need, and you helped fill it. And I was fine with being casual acquaintances, keeping a respectable distance most of the time, with the occasional escapades into a little something more....

But somewhere along the way, Food, I let my emotions get in the way. I came to depend on you as more than just a friend. You became a rock to me, a source of comfort, something to turn to when I got sad or frustrated or bored. There were times when I even felt like I loved you. And what woman wouldn't feel that, especially when you looked so handsome, all topped with thick sauces or drizzled with chocolate. I couldn't say no to you. But it was my fault, I realize that now.

I know this probably doesn't surprise you at all because, well, you're just food. You're incapable of feeling surprise, or any other emotion for that matter. But that's the problem. Our relationship has become so one sided, I just don't feel like I'm in control anymore. I've gotten to the point where I've invested so much in you, and you aren't giving me anything back. Sure, in the heat of the moment, my mouth chewing, my taste buds full of sensation, you can still make me feel good for a little while. But then you're gone, and I'm left feeling guilty, full of regret.

You don't love me. You can't. You're just food. Why have I wasted so much of my emotional energy on something that will not, can not, love me back?

So it's over, Food. I'm taking back control. I'm taking some time to find myself. I know that the real me is in here somewhere, under these loose shirts and elastic waistbands.

I know we'll still see each other, Food, and I hope it's not weird between us. After all, all of my friends really like you too.

So take care, Food. I'll see you around.